The rain is making me feel more depressed then usual this year. I can tell there are a variety of factors playing into this. The first is less adult contact. This time last year, I was working. Albeit, I was working at a terrible job and for a horrible company, but I really enjoyed my coworkers. Having friends to talk to, and daily lunch outings made the gray seem just a tad lighter.
My second issue is being cooped up in the same place all day. My days are filled with chores, TV, entertaining a 13 month old, and staring out at the gray. I could take Liam places, but it costs money. Even driving to somewhere free like the play area at the mall has a cost. Gas prices are ridiculous, and the temptation to spend money when I'm out greatly increases. My mind says, "Buy something, it will make you happy."
The third issue is the problem the rain is causing. Our crawl space keeps flooding, and now we have a leak in our roof/siding. All day long I see the drip, drip, drip of rain coming in through the top of our living room window.
The last issue is money. I have a love/hate relationship with money. I love what it can buy, but hate never having it. I know talking about money publicly is taboo, but I think it should be talked about more. Money causes much anxiety in so many people's lives, and is at the top of the list for issues in marriages. (I'm not saying we're having marital problems, just that money is a stress factor for many marriages.)
We save and cut costs wherever we can, but every time we seem to get a little ahead, something comes up. Like Brent's hours being cut back at work, and having to spend our savings on repairs. Someday I'd like to spend our savings on something fun. Like a new kitchen, or a real vacation. I love visiting the inlaws every year, but I'm tired of that always being our only vacation.
Yeah, yeah... I know. Call the "Waaa-mbulance." There are a lot of upsides to my life. We have each other, our health, a roof over our heads (albeit a bit leaky at the moment), food to fill our bellies, warmth, and I get to be home with my adorable son. Many people are far worse off than we are, but sometimes it just helps to let the frustration all out.
-Anna
Oh Anna... I feel your pain, or have felt your pain... both! Hang in there. I know it probably doesn't mean much, but this too shall pass and someday you'll look back and remember how difficult this was for you. But on the bright side, you'll be looking back from a better perspective.
ReplyDeleteToday... do something irrational and fun. Go for a walk in the rain! Let Liam jump in puddles! Call a friend at the last-minute and invite her over for cookies. Or.. if Brent is home... call a friend and go to her house at the last minute. Leave that cute kiddo at home with Dad.
I love you dear. Hang in there. I wish I could hug you.