Liam's tantrums are bad enough, but the one he had yesterday took the cake. We were in a public place, I couldn't easily leave, and Brent was busy. All these factors combined made for one frustrated, sad, and embarrassed Mama.
Brent and I help with the little kids at church on the second Sunday of each month. He's in Liam's 2 year old class, and I run the check in/out desk located right outside Liam's classroom. Normally, Liam loves his class, but whenever he sees Mommy outside of the class window, he immediately wants to be with me. I'll usually let him hang out at the desk for a bit, but he'll get bored and want to go back to Daddy and his friends. This was NOT the case yesterday.
I let Liam chill with me, but he kept asking to "go." He wanted to leave church entirely. This meant Liam was running around screaming and crying while I'm trying to take care of parent's and teacher's needs. One parent proceeded to tell Liam that he was scaring the other kids. A two year old can't be reasoned with, and therefore just let the attention fuel his tantrum rage.
After awhile I got Liam to calm down, and interested in drawing, eating a fruit leather, and being Mommy's shadow as I got some check in tasks done. However, the real fall out happened when he wasn't allowed in the preschool classroom where he usually plays on Wednesday nights. Ho-ly Cow! He screamed, cried, pounded on the door, and had to be carried Fireman style to a different area. I sat with him behind the desk trying to get him to calm down, but people kept coming up and asking if Liam's okay, and asking where his mom is. I said, "I am his mom," and couldn't help but feel judged as an unfit mother.
After a few minutes, I knew I had to get Liam and I out of there. I grabbed the keys, threw Liam over my shoulder, and headed for the car. I put Liam in the back seat to let him play the tantrum out, while I sat in the front sobbing and asking why this had to happen today, right now. The whole car rocked as Liam jumped, screamed, and repeatedly hit the car door with his fists. I turned around to check on him, and found his mouth, arms, and the car door were covered in blood. He had wound himself up so much that he bit his tongue in a fit of rage. I immediately cleaned him up. Wrapped him in his blankie, and just snuggled him. After biting his tongue he was ready to calm down and let me comfort him.
We sat in the car until the end of service. I wasn't about to subject myself to another tantrum once I got things under control. Thankfully, Brent got my text message from the car, and got things covered at the front desk.
Even after the supportive comments I've received from friends and family, I still can't help but feel like a bad mother and bad volunteer. Maybe there is something I could have done differently to keep Liam from disturbing classrooms and to have prevented his bleeding tongue? If he hadn't seen me in the window, then the whole thing could have been avoided, and Brent wouldn't have been scolded by a teacher for me disappearing.
I've only been a mom for two years. I'm still learning. Just when I think I have one behavior issue figured out, Liam throws something else in the mix. As far as I currently know, the best remedy for a toddler tantrum is distraction. When that doesn't work, you just let it fizzle out. There is no reasoning with a 2 year old mid tantrum.
I wonder if Jesus threw tantrums, and if so, how did Mary handle them?
Do you have any epic tantrum stories?
-Anna
When I read your status yesterday I felt so badly for you! I don't really understand how other parents can possibly be judgmental toward a parent whose toddler is throwing a tantrum - they should know what it's like.
ReplyDeleteI think you made a great choice by taking him out to the car. This may sound weird, but does Liam have things he particularly likes to chew on? Maybe giving him whatever that thing is would help him to avoid biting his tongue during tantrums in the future, if that's going to be a new trend. Otherwise, I think little injuries like that are mostly unavoidable in general - don't feel too badly about it.
Oh Anna, you're a good mom. Don't worry I always feel bad for mom's who you know are just getting a tantrum day.
ReplyDeleteAnna... a few months from now the pain (and trauma) of this incident will fade. I promise.
ReplyDeleteIn full honesty, you are going to be the best judge of what your child needs... even during a tantrum. You have a solid theory... letting him work it out, realizing it gains nothing. But there is the factor of him hurting himself, and being terribly difficult in situations when a tantrum is inconvenient. You might consider finding a solution to snapping him out of the tantrum... getting him "distracted" immediately and focused on you (or Brent). Ultimately, he needs to know you're in charge and regardless of how he feels in that moment, you're the boss.
With Lucas' personality, I tell him to "look at my face" and when he doesn't, I physically draw his face toward mine. I then repeat back to him what I think he wants. After thoroughly convincing him I understand his wants, I tell him what I want. I explain to him that is the final word and even though he's frustrated/mad/sad, he cannot behave in that way (screaming, hitting, running away). When this doesn't work, a small swat on the hiney always does. Then we get to cuddle and have the above conversation in a more civil manner.
I have no doubt you'll find a solution that works for you, Brent and Liam. You have a special, smart, independent lil' guy on your hands and ultimately he wants to please you and make you proud. Affirmations, encouragement and a solid upper hand might just be the ticket for these toddler years. With strong-minded children comes great responsibility, that's for sure.